secretly being vulgar

February 9, 2012

from now on...

by rosecoloredwindows | 06:48 PM | stickied, favorite

*I will blatantly refuse to be his doormat*: someone he steps on to up his ego, an antidote to his loneliness (and other things).

*repeat until it sinks in*

Seriously though.

My Kuya had this very bright idea for a nice weekend getaway: one to be spent "soul-searching" like he said. So there we were, two nervous but nonetheless excited siblings.

We found ourselves, holding each other's hands, and praying for a safe trip as the engine started. A few fours later, we found ourselves at the place we both loved: The City of Pines. An opportunity to clear our heads, think, and contemplate (and go gala too! lolz).

And yes, I told Kuya about this madness I have: for J. We (well, mostly he), began being teary-eyed over cans of red horse (crying in your beer, as I call it. lolz) while I told him everything at the trans house we stayed in about how he treats me: like I was some crazy little lovesick puppy he loves taunting with sweet nothings, someone he obviously plays around with to ease his loneliness (or boredom... *ouch*), and well, some other things I'd rather not talk about.

And yes. Kuya told me the same thing I've been hearing from ALL of my friends: that He's just another a**hole playing around with his pretty little sister. That I should dish him out of my head, lock him out of my heart, and throw him out of my life. That I am better off without him, as there was never really an US. There was just Me, and Him, and this madness. I guess, this is the very last straw for me. I know Kuya loves me to death, despite all our bitch fights and what-nots. And hearing this straight out from a guy I love and adore, just shakes me to the core.

This task is not easy, I know it won't be. But I'm praying, and hoping, from the bottom of my heart, with all my might, that this too, shall pass: that J will, one day, become a fond memory of my frivolity.

And for the new guy Rye, I am praying that you won't get tired of me. You once told me I won't regret being your girl (and, I'm hoping I won't too). I know this acquaintance hasn't been as long (and again, I'm not rushing into this), but remembering what you said to me that night (about what HAPPENED at the place you brought us on our last night back there), made me realize that I deserve someone much better than J. Someone who treats me right, and accepts me for who I am. Thank You for making that weekend extra-memorable.

A place is just that: A PLACE.
What changes one's perception is the events that occured and the people involved in it.
I have always loved this city ever since I was a kid for reasons unknown.
Now, I found one. ♥

{ music } Crawling Back to You ~ Daughtry

Filed under reality bites | 2 did it!